In Pursuit of My Dreams While Watching the Academy Awards Show

By Wil Durant

I have watched two awards show so far this season, the Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild awards and I will watch the Academy Awards show in March. The reason is that I, a mature African American man, am in the process of transforming my life and pursuing a dream that I have held onto since I was a child. As a black man, it is difficult enough to survive, but to survive and chase a dream is like fearlessly walking across a minefield. But like our dignity, we can never give up on our dreams.

I was six years old, in the first grade talent show, when I sang “Just Walking in the Rain” in a yellow, rubber raincoat and hood with two little girls walking back and forth in raincoats and parasols, as I belted out this 1950’s hit about a broken hearted guy. I remember the bright lights of the stage and the thunderous applause. I remember happily running off stage, into my grandmother’s waiting arms. She picked me up and hugged me, one of the few times I remember. Thus began my love of acting.

I was in a class play, sometimes with lead roles, every year except when I went to the predominantly white high school. There, I didn’t take drama until my senior year. The Drama teacher, Mrs. Chamberlain, cast me, in the only role she could think of in the Senior Class production of “Taming of the Shrew,” playing an effete, but comic dress designer, who overreacts to Petruchio's destruction of the gown he’s designed for Kate’s wedding. This was 1968 in North Carolina and it should be noted that the only other Black person who had been on that stage was probably cleaning it. I thought I should have played Petruchio, but, hey, I made the most of my moment on stage.

Acting did not work for me as a way of making a living, mainly because I was poor and caught up in the sixties. The idea that you could do this and make money was almost as remote as going into space. There were so few Black folks in movies and television, this still being the era when neighbors would call one another with a BPOTV (Black Person on TV) alert.

Even though I dreamed and secretly wanted to go in front of a camera, no one said it was possible. No one said, “Kid, you can do it.”
I continued acting in college, thinking I would settle in New York, write and maybe act. Well, I ended up in Philly.

Though I did a couple of festivals and avant-garde plays, I still could not envision myself as a paid, professional actor. It took a back injury to give me the courage to go after my dream. In the course of my recovery, I began to list all things I wanted to do but for one reason or another, hadn’t gotten around to yet. I had never been injured before, and the idea occurred to me that I might not recover. Guess what was at the top of the list.

When I think about it, I am amazed that - despite being rather diffident and loaded with self doubt - I can somehow reach deep inside myself and find the confidence that allows me to step into an artistic arena that is rife with judgment and assessment just so that I might have the opportunity to assume the reality of some character brought to life by a piece of script I just read. To the extent that I could do that, and sell that reality for that moment, is the measure of my success. But God, when I’m good or witness somebody else who is good and rewarded for it, I love it! I’ll be watching.

I now have the nerve to actually tell people, “I’m an actor.” Of course, in self-deprecation, I always add that I’m not making much money at it. Money, I know, is the measure of success in America, but the pursuit of a dream is worth a fortune.

So, I’ll watch the Academy Awards and be excited for my favorites and feel some bit of kinship to those actors, and keep my dream close by.

Music for your thoughts. If you cannot clink through this linkl, copy and paste it in your url to download mp3.

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